Taxidermy . . . let me just start by saying, What the Actual F#%k??
Dead animals, manipulated into lumbering poses, crammed full of sawdust and plastic and placed in our homes for ‘decorative’ purposes?
I get that back in ye olden times, proud little Kings would come trotting into the palace gates, dead wolf strapped to the back of his steed, in his ever so valiant way he has slain the beast that was plaguing the livestock of his people, the sheep are now safe, he has saved the day.
“Hurrah! Long live the King!”
He mounts it on an old log and presents it as a glorious gift for his doting Queen, she is chuffed and places it in throne room for all to see, proud as punch – happy days!
But it’s the 21st Century, we drive cars, fly all around the world, have gadgets that have more functions than we know how to use and that fits neatly into our pockets, we are curing diseases and inventing life changing condiments like dill aioli . . . We do NOT require a full size, deceased, giraffe taking up prime position in our lounge rooms next to the tellie.
Let’s get a grip here.
Not only is the concept of having the carcass of a once living thing on the mantlepiece as a ‘decorative enhancement’ rather screwed up, it kinda bothers me more that there is a strange little man hiding out in his shed getting paid to ‘professionally’ stuff the skins of dead animals for the viewing pleasure of his clients.
Is no one else getting the eeby jeebies just thinking about this??
But wait, it gets even more eff’d up!
There is a Dutch ‘artist’ (I’m using that term loosely) called Bart Jansen, who has turned his beloved and recently deceased cat, Orville, into a remote controlled helicopter after he was hit by a car . . .
A REMOTE CONTROLLED HELICOPTER!!!!
HE EVEN NAMED IT THE ORVILLECOPTER!!
Are you kidding me??!! What is wrong with the world??
Poor little Orville.
Now I’m no tree-hugging, hemp wearing, kumbaya-ing, Vegan, organic broccoli brother, but I will be the first to put my hand up and say that stuffing Old Yeller and placing him at the front door is so far f#%cked up it should be illegal or something.
If you are paying a professional to decorate your home and they suggest the placement of a ‘vintage, marble mounted white rhino’ in the dining room to accentuate the use of leather and tassels in the foyer . . . You need to reassess your situation. And FAST.
Just use your noggin people, if poor old Socksy finally kicks the bucket, go out and find a lovely peaceful patch of grass and bury the poor thing, like you did with Great-Aunt Mavis, have a good cry, eat a few cupcakes and move on.
No one wants to come over for a cuppa to find a very shiny, stiff version of Aunt Mavis chillin’ in her favourite chair on the porch, or a rock solid curled up Socksy on the end of your bed.
That shit is just wack!