The other day I decided to raid my bathroom cupboard and came across a glorious tub of Shea Body Scrub that I had left over from my Body Shop Consultant days.
Excitedly I scrambled into the shower and coated myself in the grainy, exfoliating concoction and soon realised something was a little wrong . . .
actually, VERY wrong!
Let me just share a little of my newly obtained wisdom with you all – when searching through your vast collections of scents, scrubs and lotions and you come across something that excites you, please for the grace of god, Check the expiration date
Check the damn expiration date!!
I didn’t do this very simple task, and my punishment left me standing in the shower coated from armpit to asshole in a ‘scrub’ that had morphed over a number of years (5 to be exact) into what now resembled pure LARD
Thats right people, greasy, perfectly waterproof, LARD
Home alone, covered in a film that water will not remove and EVERYTHING I touched soon became covered in the greasy goop and went passionately flying from my slippery little mitts.
I stood there like a greased turkey, defeated, desperately trying to think of a solution . . .
Heat melts lard – right?
WRONG – it just freaking burns the crap out of your skin!
A loofah will scrub it off – right?
WRONG – it just spreads the crap and clogs up the loofah!
I was screwed. Completely owned by the deviously alluring tub of scrub, I turned off the shower and wiped away the grease with an old towel.
I was greasy for the remainder of the day – not happy Jan!
Learn from this people – CHECK THE DAMN EXPIRY DATE! No matter how sweetly scented, grainy or expensive it once was, it WILL be evil and it WILL leave you vulnerable and incredibly embarrassed.